I remember when I first heard about people doing it in high school and by the time I was sixteen it seemed like everyone had gone all the way but I made it all through high school without giving in. I didn’t even succumb to the pressure in University where you are some kind of anomaly if you hadn’t done it already.

People often ask me why I haven’t done it yet and I can give them a variety of answers: I’m not ready, I’m not interested in it, I don’t want to get that close to people, I’m really private but I don’t even believe any of those excuses anymore. one thing I do know is that I’ve always like the novelty of being really pure and untainted by it because it set me apart.

Lately, I’ve been realizing that I already stand out in other ways and I need to stop making it so difficult for people to connect with me. Also, if I want to do something I should just do it. But after waiting so long it probably made it even more difficult because it was built up so much. Planning these things is really weird… since they’re supposed to just happen naturally but I think about everything too much so this has become a big deal.

I did it on June 15th. I’ll always remember that date because you never forget your first time. It wasn’t an extraordinary day, I went to work, was sitting at my desk and reading the news when I came across a story in the Jakarta Post about how people all over the world are doing it. They discussed the positives and quoted statistics on how Indonesia has the highest growth in people doing it, nearly 150% by the most recent statistics even if they are among the smallest in terms of penetration.

I don’t know why that article hit me. It’s not news to me that everyone does it but I guess if I was going to do it then it would probably happen here and I`d been seriously thinking about doing it for a while. It was a combination of being across the world, alone, meeting new people and the fact that I`d be going home in a week and I wanted to do it before I left.

I texted a guy I barely knew and asked if he would do it with me. He replied “Of course!”  I’d be pretty offended if he didn’t.  I had asked him because I know that he has a lot of experience with these sorts of things and I felt a little more comfortable because he didn’t really know me or realize how monumental this was.

We started slowly and I was ok. This was like a lot of things that I had done before and I know a lot about doing it because of my friends’ experiences. I was not as smooth as I would have liked to be and burst out laughing a few times, buried my face in my hands and we had to stop but I was determined to follow through with this.

I actually freaked out by the time we got to the third step and just waited a few minutes, ate some food and had a mango milkshake. I took the plunge and just clicked.  It was the most awkward thing at first because I didn’t know where to start and had no idea what to do. After a while doing it was easier and I just wanted to keep going but I got kind of bored so I stopped.

In less than 30 minutes it was all over. It’s funny, I had resisted doing it for so long and then it was over, just like that. I don’t know what I expected. I always thought that everything would fall into place after I did it. I thought I would automatically have all the friends in the world, get invited to all the best events and be enlightened by some new wealth of information that I was never exposed to. I thought that my entire life would flash before my eyes in a thousand snapshots and that I would be changed but I didn’t feel different at all.

I wondered if I would just regret it in the morning and at times I did. I’m still not sure what repercussions there are to my actions since I haven’t even looked at myself in two days.  I can only imagine what has become of me though since my inbox was flooded with over a hundred messages. I deleted them all and I considered deleting my account too but I can’t pretend this didn’t happen.  I’m just going to have to actually deal with all this because there is no going back after you lose your Facebook virginity.

Borobudur temple is a Buddhist temple that was founded in the ninth-century but after the conversion to Islam, volcanic eruptions and Dutch colonization it was abandoned. I find it interesting that it was rediscovered in 1814 after a Dutch Governor General heard about it while he was in Semarang (the town I am staying in).

The weekend before I flew off to Bali I spent a weekend in Jogjakarta with friends and we visited the temple. It is a UNESCO World Heritage site and the most visited tourist site in all of Indonesia so it was very crowded. As I walked through the gate with my friends, security stopped three of them. They stopped the 2 EPs from India and made them pay the foreigner rate of $15USD which is about ten times the normal rate. They stopped another one of our friends and asked him for his passport to prove he was Indonesian (he is) but I walked right through.

Looking like a local has a lot of positives like domestic rates and practicing my Bahasa but at times it is also frustrating. After hearing my horrible accent or not understanding me at all people always ask me where I am from and when I tell them I am Canadian they are normally shocked and exclaim, “But you have an Asian face!?”

From there I go on to explain that my parents are from the Phillipines so I am Asian. Some people are satisfied by this answer because I’m not really Canadian , I’m a Filipina who came to Canada. I have no problem with being called Asian because I am, I have no problem with people thinking that I’m Indonesian because I do look the part and I really love this country and culture and am happy to be associated with it but what annoys me is when people don’t consider me a “real Canadian” or don’t believe that I am Canadian.

Some people press on and ask me which of my parents is from the Philippines and which one is Canadian but this just confuses them even more. Like me, my parents are both Filipino and both Canadian. They were born in the Philippines but have spent most of their lives in Canada. I am born in Canada but I am still a Filipina.

My host-sister explained to me that everyone thinks of Canadians as being white, having blonde hair and blue eyes. Sometimes I wish I could fit that bill. I thought about how people would be more interested in me, how I could be different from everyone and that I wouldn’t have to prove myself as being Canadian.

I regret that that thought ever crossed my mind. This is who I am and I am Canadian. I think it’s good that people can meet a Canadian who doesn’t fit their Caucasian stereotype because I’m not the exception either. Canada is filled with people from all over the world, immigrants and first-generation kids like me.  As for wanting to stick out—I already do the moment I open my mouth. I also realize that I shouldn’t be looking for ways to separate me from the people and the culture that I traveled across the globe to become part of.

I have literally had people point out that I have an “Asian face” at least a hundred times but I just hope that they have come to see it as a “Canadian face” too.

I like hanging on to souvenirs from my concerts because when I see them again it makes it easier for me to reminisce about whatever happened and then I can tell the stories behind them.

1. Urban Jazz Cross Over

This was my first reporting trip that I went on and the concert came together perfectly from the moment I stepped in the Gumaya Tower Hotel.

The concept of Urban Jazz Cross Over is to bring together Indonesia’s top artists from all music genres and show how Jazz can “cross over” into any genre.  It was continuous set and as one song ended another had already begun and the stage would change again completely. There were always at lest  two artists on stage, with 3D projections in the background and troop of dancers for a Broadway-style production.

While most reviews will talk about the biggest headliners some of my favourite performances were from the openers. My favourite set was by DREW ; some of their covers that stood out to me were “Come Together” by the Beatles, an acoustic version of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “That’s Not My Name” by the Ting Tings.

I also fell completely in love with DJ Cream after he did a mash-up of the Black Eyed Peas “I Gotta Feeling” and Frank Sinatra’s “New York New York”. It worked so much better together than you would think and really showed a great example of jazz fusion. I really appreciated how he worked with the audience’s stream of consciousness and transitioned seamlessly into a slower version of “Concrete Jungle”.

At the end of the concert Achmad Albar came on stage and the crowd went crazy. I have no idea who he is but his voice had a really magical quality that made everything he sang sound so personal. I was really reluctant to leave but I had to get home at a reasonable hour because I actually have a curfew.

I didn’t stay for the press conference and I left during the last song when everyone came back on stage to perform Coldplay’s “Viva la Vida” but it was the most fitting fade-out soundtrack as I left to catch a taxi.  I got home just before midnight and was still in trouble but it was totally worth it.

2. The Parade

There were billboards all over town for this 3-day event and it was sponsored by Olga! Entrance was only 7,000 rupiah which is the equivalent of less than a Canadian dollar for a full night of music. Naturally, I was drawn to it but I wasn’t the only one; hipsters were there in full force.

I went on Saturday and saw a few performances one of which surprisingly included a cosplay presentation. The event is supposed to be very alternative so there were bands playing everything from Jap-rock to Screamo. We listened to some indie bands while we grabbed something to eat at a food stall and then just spent the night talking at my new favourite place, J.Co.

On Sunday I went to “The Cheese House” had some nice lasagna and was back at Thamrin Square again to see the headliner, Lipstick Lipsing. I spent a lot of time inside, shopping and listening to the DJ. And the night would have been complete without going J.Co afterwards.

3. The Indonesian Cutting Edge Music Awards

One of the best things about being an intern at Olga! is that I get invited to go to a lot of really great events. The Indonesian Cutting Edge Music Awards (ICEMA) were sponsored by Olga! and 90.2 Trax Fm radio station, which is on the floor above my office.

I went by myself there but ended up running into everyone I knew from my host-sister, work and AIESEC. I wasn’t there for the beginning but I did see a few bands and the guest performers, Endah N Rhesa.

(Photo credit: Bonnie)

I am a sucker for indie folk and musical couples so I already liked them but  this duo still managed to blow me away. My favourite part was when they did their own rendition of “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” and then finished by playing together on one guitar.

The night ended just as nicely– talking about music and eating pizza on the patio at Basilia.

I wrote a story on my experience for the magazine and talked about architecture, safaris, amusement parks and food. While I was compiling a list of my greatest memories I realized that, for the most part, the things that I remember the most weren’t the cities’ major attractions. My most vivid memories were of the journey and the things we saw along the way that broke my heart.

——-

Kudus

I knew Indonesia was a developing country before I got here and I saw beggars everyday but I never realized how impoverished it is until I was in the city of Kudus to visit the Great Mosque.

We parked our shiny mini bus in a dirt clearing and were immediately swarmed by beggars. I could barely open my door and I didn’t want to because it just felt too close. They followed us and there were more people on each corner. They didn’t just ask for money they demanded it and sometimes got more confrontational.

I just shut down and one of the photojournalists asked me if I was scared. I wasn’t scared, I just couldn’t handle it.

I can only take poverty and suffering when it’s in small doses and packaged nicely in a consumable way. The truth is I don’t like seeing sad homeless people. I like the happy ones in Ottawa. I don’t like seeing mothers, children or old people on the streets or working really intensive labour to survive. Like most people I want to help but I want to get a glimpse and see something that doesn’t hurt me too much so I can just give and then go away feeling happy like everything is still right in the world and I have done my part.

I was really overwhelmed by it all but it really got to me. Seeing all of the people just broke my little bubble. They got past my comfort zone and forced me to see everything, not just what I wanted to see.

The Salt Fields

Indonesia has a standard backdrop no matter where I go: lush, green trees, splashes of flowers and rolling hills. On our way to Rembang there was a definite change in scenery when we got to the abandoned salt fields.

All I saw were houses left in shambles on dry, empty fields. I learned that this is where the crystallize salt during the dry season but it kills the land so you can’t farm anything. In the wet season it gets flooded and the soil washes away, the foundations crumble and the houses just break apart. This desolate ghost town was the opposite of the vibrant, green and crowded cities of Indonesia that I knew.

Kartini Beach

Kartini is one of the nicest beaches in Java. It has everything: banana boats, motorized ducks, bouncy castles and treehouses. The one thing I remember the most was going through the zoo at night.

I didn’t take any pictures because it was just sad to see the animals like this. I’m not completely opposed to zoos but these cages and puddles were not fit for any animal to live in.

I stopped when I got to the main attraction, a three-legged cow. I knelt down and she just looked up at me with her round black eyes. I felt so bad that she was just treated as a spectacle. To see her try to stand up – it would kill you.

The Surabaya Market

We were eating Sate Ayam for breakfast when I heard the chimes of bells and rhythmic drum beats.  The tune just drew me in, it was so cheery. I went across the busy street to see what was going on.

There was a monkey with a wire around its neck and a mask on. Whenever he tried to take off the mask or just sit down a man would yank it. The monkey just had to run back and forth, jump around and go to people for money.

Owning a monkey is illegal but so are a lot of things I see going on here every day.

Porong

There was a mudflow in the Porong district of Sidoarjo that covered an entire village. Tens of thousands of families homes were displaced after a drilling accident caused an eruption of mud and hot gas. It’s been over 4 years since the disaster but you can still see its effects.

It was a really steep climb up the dam that contains the mudflow but what I saw would stop you in your tracks. There were dark clouds looming over an endless sea of mud. The mudflow is 12 metres deep and it still has eruptions of hot mud and poisonous gas.

It was windy and raining but the weather was nothing compared to what was in front of me. The mudflow was beautiful because it was so vast and powerful but it was also very sad because I know how much it has destroyed and how dangerous it still is. When we left, the train was coming by. It’s still hazardous because there is still methane gas seeping out that can cause an explosion with the ignition of something as small as a cigarette butt.

——-

During this road trip I learned so much about Indonesian culture and everything was so beautiful that I just fell in love with this country which is why it breaks my heart to see everything that is wrong.

My trip to East Java really was the best and I had tons of fun but I just want to keep things in perspective.

I was really worried but everyone told me that it would be alright – and it was. After a few tries the car started up, we hopped back in and were on the road again.

When I was back in the van I was even more convinced that I needed to pay attention to that feeling I had before the engine stopped.

I still had that feeling even if the engine was working. We were still against the clock, the EPs were going to be late for the radio show. I was really worried and and I felt like it was all our fault.

We were listening to the radio show from our bus and we could hear the announcers talking about how the EPs were late. We had disappointed the people who set up the interview for the radio show. This was a one-time chance for a spot on the top local radio station.

I figured it was still Karma and that I should have never gone on the trip and should have been working on my presentation or getting ready for my next trip instead.

The radio hosts went to break and put on a song– Flash Delirium.

I was stunned for a bit. I don`t know why I was surprised because this show is targeted at a University students and MGMT  just put out a new album so it should almost be expected that they would play this song. I told everyone that I liked it so we turned it up and listened together.

The song felt good, not just because I liked it but because of what it reminded me of. On one of my last nights in Ottawa I went for a really nice walk with my brother, had good tea and conversation and then listened to this record on vinyl in his room. I remember this song the most because it was his favourite. In fact, it is the only song from their new album that I have on my computer and I keep it on my desktop.

At his favourite part of the song, (2:51) I was instantly transported home. I felt shivers go down my spine in the best way and that feeling just disappeared. All I could feel was safe and happy.

It`s amazing how much influence a song can have on you but it`s really about the memories behind the music. I remember being at a wedding and the bride was late because she heard her brother`s (who had recently passed) favourite song on the radio. It was a common R&B song that played all the time but at that moment it brought her tears. More often than not, it’s those popular songs that can bring back the most memories.

I realize that it has almost nothing to do with the song and everything to do with reminding us of the people we love. I feel right there with my family and my best friends whenever I hear “Closer” or any karoke hit, a song from an iPod commercial, Justin Bieber, John Mayer, Bon Jovi or anything by Lady Gaga . I know that radio stations just have these songs on a playlist and repeat them on air mindlessly but for me, they’re special.

"You're from Canada?! Oh, just like Justin Bieber!" Yeah. Just like Justin Bieber.

If anything, I am thankful that I can have such frequent reminders of home. And at that moment, when I heard this song, I just felt like everything was going to be alright– tonight… and for the rest of my time here in Indonesia.

We got to the radio station with a few minutes left in the show and raced up the stairs to the third floor. The EPs burst through the doors of the studio and went straight into the interview while still gasping for air.

After the show, we laughed together, they drove me home and I went to sleep before my next trip in the morning.

I ended up meeting some AIESECers and 2 exchange participants (EPs) from the Phillipines and India, to take a minibus to Badengan Beach in Jepara City. We were all really excited and I just listened to my friend tell me Javanese legends and ghost stories until I fell asleep.

There`s a semi-conscious period between being fast asleep and being wide awake when everything seems really surreal and when I woke up in Jepara I felt like I was still in a bit of a dream world. We stopped in front of a wooden gate that was 2 stories high and wide enough for two trucks. It opened up to a warehouse full of vehicles and intricately carved wooden furniture. From there, we walked up a cobblestone pathway past cascading levels of flowers and stopped on a wooden bridge to take pictures of this dreamland.

It was not a dream, it was an AIESECer`s home in Jepara but it seemed more like a palace with its spiraling staircase, stained glass windows , and hanging chandeliers. The city is famous for its high quality wood and furniture carving so everyone is fairly wealthy.

After lunch we left the palace and went to the Beach. I haven`t been in an ocean for 3 years so I was really excited to go swimming. I expected the water to be cold like it is in BC but all I felt was the warm pull of the waves, soft sand between my toes and salty water on my lips.

We wanted to stay forever but had to head back because one of the EPs had to be on a radio show that night.

When we were on our way back to Semarang I got this really weird feeling. It wasn`t the surreal feeling I had at the palace or the nice feeling of the ocean, this was a bad feeling, an ominous feeling. It was probably the focus on spirits from the Javanese culture that was rubbing off on me or maybe it was all those ghost stories from before but I suddenly felt like something bad had to happen after such a good day all because of this feeling.

We were halfway home and it was already dark, we were hungry but we didn`t have time to stop for food. Everyone was really quiet for the first time all day and then I heard a horrible sound. Eventually, the puttering noise stopped and with it so did our bus. Our engine was dead.

We all got out of the car except for the driver. They tried pushing again and rolled the bus forward a bit but that was it. We couldn`t do this all the way back to Semarang. One guy went to go look for help because no one else on the road would stop to help us. It was getting colder and started to rain a bit. I felt like I was in the middle of a horror-movie.

(to be continued…)

The printing plant was officially opened in 1980 even if it had been operating illegally 2 years earlier. The printing press was especially important because it was a locally owned and operated plant. Suara Merdeka had been printed at Enay, a Dutch-owned printing plant before this time but once Indonesia regained its independence Enay soon fell into bankrupty. The emergence of the Suara Merdeka printing plant was important in demonstrating how Indonesia was reclaiming itself after its Dutch colonization.

The area right outside Semarang and near the city of Demak used to be the centre of the province when it was under Dutch ruling. Now, it is just a shadow of the capital city it once was. You can still see the Dutch influence in the architecture and this is actually where you will find the Blenduk Church monument that I talked about.

As beautiful as some of the buildings are they are all very old and crumbling at the bases. The sea level in this area rises by 10 cm every year. The city is literally sinking. You can see watermarks at the bases of all the buildings and sea water seeps up from the ground at any of the lower levels. It is even worse during rainy season.

This area was abandoned but the land around it was bought by companies who used the space to build new factories because they would be close to the sea port that Semarang is famous for. These factories kept the cities alive and have created Semarang`s major income source as an industrial city. Suara Merdeka Printing plant has played a very important part for Indonesia, the province of central Java and on a very local level for the city of Semarang.

Newspaper Printing

Magazine Printing

At 4am people have come back from their nights and have gone to bed. If anyone is still up they’re having really intimate conversations that you can only have when you are too tired to keep your emotional guard up. It’s that time when you are too exhausted to do anything but listen to quiet music but still don’t want to go to sleep.

Here, 4 am is completely different for me.

Every morning here I wake up at 4am to the sound of the Azan, a call to prayer. I live right across from the mosque and can hear the call to prayer 5 times a day but the one alarm I never fail to miss is the morning alarm at 4am.

On my first night it was pretty rough but now it has become part of my life. I really like waking up at 4am and feeling the day begin. Sometimes I only wake up for a bit and then drift off into some crazy dreams but at other times I actually take the time to reflect with some journal writing our just think to myself.

I may not be Muslim but I can appreciate religious devotion to prayer and the discipline of it. I believe everyone can take something away from this kind of routine because it’s important to take time out of your day to just think. I know whenever there is prayer time and each alarm reminds me to look back on what is happening in my life which I think is especially important for me to be doing right now.

Now, 4am means something totally new to me. It’s a symbol for how much different my life is here and of what I have learned from these changes– because really if my life is changing and I’m not then there really is no point to this.

The Dutch Protestant Blenduk Church

The Chinese Buddhist Temple of Sam Poo Kong

(L-R: My host-sisters Nada & Festi, Me and our friend Yuko)

I’m not trying to say that Religion is not important in Canada because Religion is an important aspect of any culture.  However, Western Society is a lot more secular so seeing Religion displayed in this sort of way is new to me. For example, the first question people ask me apart from where I’m from is what my Religion is.

One thing I don’t have pictures of is from when I visited Mesjid Besar, the Great Mosque of Semarang. It’s the biggest one in all of South-East Asia and one of the  most beautiful things I have ever seen in my life!

I went to the top of a huge tower there you could see the entire city.  It’s especially beautiful at night. You can see some pictures and read about it on someone else’s blog.

In the Hong Kong airport gate for my flight to Jakarta a lot of people kept talking to me in Bahasa Indonesian because I look Indonesian. If anything, my phrasebook just created more awkward situations with guys turning me to the love/sex page (thankfully, the rejections page is right beside it), asking me how old I am and if I am alone. Oh, the creepers don’t stop there.

The guy sitting beside me on the flight seemed really friendly. I was excited to use my phrasebook but then he just used it to ask me if I had a “suami”, husband in English. He tried to get my number and kept taking pictures of me. Needless to say, I was beginning to lose all faith in my phrasebook.

When I got to my host-family’s house I still couldn’t say anything so after a lot of smiling and nodding I just went to my room. I know it was only the first day but I was frustrated that I didn’t know the language enough. I was very tired but I forced myself to stay up and write notes in Bahasa Indonesian to my host-family to go along with each of their gifts. I used my dictionary and looked up each word which took me a couple of hours. It was a horrible translation but they got the gist of it and thought it was sweet.

This phrasebook has lead to a lot of good things over my first week here though. I get to laugh a lot (sometimes about jokes in Indonesian but mostly because my Bahasa is just that bad). I’ve talked about cats with accounting students, discussed honesty with a taxi driver and had a cheery chat with a cop about his day. It‘s really tough to be on such a lower level of communication than I’m used to but because this is harder for me every single word I understand and use is a celebration.

People seem to really appreciate that I’m trying in the same way that I appreciate when people try to speak English with me when I can’t understand.  My host-sister can speak English but whenever we don’t understand a word the other is using we race to our dictionaries.

When I come home from work only my host-mother and the maid are there. They don’t speak English so I have to use Bahasa Indonesian.  One of my favourite things to do is sit around and talk with them; we pull out all my host-sister’s grammar books, at least 2 dictionaries and of course, my lonely planet phrasebook.